【1980 Archives】

It's probably best that you're sitting down for this.

980 ArchivesNational Enquirer threatened to publish Jeff Bezos' dick pics if he didn't rein in his personal investigator, and in response the Amazon CEO posted about it on Medium. AMI later claimed it had "acted lawfully" and would investigate Bezos' allegations.

Taking a page out of Alexander Hamilton's revenge book, he published a lengthy post about the incident and owned up to the nudes he sent, "rather than capitulate to extortion and blackmail."

Once Bezos tweeted a link to the post, it was only a matter of time before the dick pic commentary began.

Some couldn't get over the bizarre scenario.

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Twitter users also applauded Bezos — shrugging off nudes because you have the money to is truly a baller move.

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Others just ... really didn't want to think about a horny billionaire's genitals.

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There was an abundance of puns and references to Amazon's somewhat terrifying marketing practices.

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There were also reactions to Bezos' use of "complexifier," which probably isn't the word he was trying to use.

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UPDATE: Feb. 8, 2019, 9:28 a.m. EST This story has been updated to include statement from AMI.