【weller modernist eroticisms】

Lord of the Ringsauthor J. R. R. Tolkien is weller modernist eroticismscredited with describing the phrase "cellar door" as the most beautiful string of words in the English language based purely on pronunciation alone. But I propose a more beautiful pair of words: beef candle.

Did you know McDonald's sells merch? I, for one, did not. To celebrate nearly 50 years of the iconic grease bomb, McDonald's announced a line of Quarter Pounder-themed merch. Among engraved lockets and matching couple's mittens, the fast food chain is also releasing a set of burger scented candles.

The box set includes six candles, labeled Bun, Ketchup, Pickle, Cheese, Onion, and 100 percent Fresh Beef.

Beef. Candle.

Doesn't it just roll off the tongue? Beef candle! Beef! Candle! Say it with me folks: Beef candle.

The words may be a delight to say out loud, but why sell this olfactory abomination? In its press release, McDonald's wrote, "Because there’s no better smell than 100 percent fresh beef and a perfect combination of toppings."

Golden Arches Unlimited, McDonald's official merch site, recommends burning the candle as a set for "maximum deliciousness." The site doesn't say how much the boxed set would cost, but in a statement to Mashable, McDonald's said the set would run Quarter Pounder enthusiasts $35. The company added that for now, the beef candleis only available for purchase with the full Quarter Pounder set, not individually.

The site unfortunately doesn't sell McDonald's Sprite scented candles yet, but the rest of the collection is available on Golden Arches Unlimited.

While it probably smells like sticky tables and gastrointestinal distress, at least McDonald's gifted us the linguistic joy ofbeef candle.

UPDATE: Feb. 20, 2020, 6:36 p.m. PST Updated with statement from McDonald's.