【eroticism of the sea】

Forget everything you thought you knew about fake news. Or snake news. It's all about lizards. Lizards called Justin Bieber.

Look,eroticism of the sea we know the internet is a place where theories about world leaders and celebrities being reptiles in disguise abound, but when said theories make it to mainstream news, it's time to worry.

According to some ~very~ reputable sources we've never heard of, Australian news website Perth Now published a story during Bieber's recent visit that claimed hundreds of witnesses saw their idol turn into "a giant reptile." Gawd, not this again.

The allegedstory allegedlyinterviewed several witnessed, who served up some very exciting quotes like: "There were girls hiding in toilets, crying. Guys were running for the exits, jumping in taxis to get out of there." Because I know the first thing I do when a pop star shapeshifts into a lizard in front of me is notice how each gender of witnesses respond.

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Apparently, Bieber as a reptile has a "black stripe down the middle" and "big scaly claws" that "lash out angrily."

Your Newswire(who keep suggesting we're living in a "golden age" of reptilian citings) claim the article was deleted without a trace, within an hour of publication. Suspicious? Maybe. Ridiculous? Hey, you're the one still reading.

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Being a reputable news source, Your Newswirehave found some witnesses of their own too, albeit from the morning after the airport incident. You see, a "local skater" reportedly told them he saw Bieber transform into a lizard at Leederville skate park in Perth.

"He was hanging around with this big guy, his bodyguard I guess, and we were just staring because he kept turning into a huge reptile," said the unnamed and definitely real skater.

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"His bodyguard was pointing at us, shouting that he'd kick our teeth in if we didn't put our phones away." Cool story, bro. Interestingly, "witnesses" also allegedly say Bieber is a female reptilian. Get it right, media!

Poor Perth Now, being brought into this mess. For the record, the publication's editor, Emily Moulton, says "clearly the 'article' screenshotted did NOT appear on PerthNow. Ever. There is no full URL and we don't use capitals for every word in headlines."

She would say that though, wouldn't she? Jks. But the truth is out there. Wake up, sheeple! etc.

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Cue the robot-voiced YouTube videos!

[h/t Buzzfeed]