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Don't come between a male cuttlefish8+ Archiveshis mate because you will LOSE.

In this utterly dramatic video uploaded to Youtube by Brown Digital Repository two male cuttlefish battle it out over a female cuttlefish who honestly looks like she just wants to be left alone after sex.

First, the male and female cephalopods have great, weird ocean sex for four whole minutes(woah). Then, they take a lovely five-minute post-coital swim. We imagine it's during this time that the male asks himself, "How long do I have to stay with this chick after sex so it's not weird when I take off?"

Suddenly, another dude slithers his way into the picture to steal the first guy's girl. This macho confrontation results in a lot of ink, literal strong-arming, color changes, biting, and majestic spinning. All this poor female cuttlefish wanted was some sex, but ended up launched into the air and stuck with the guy she just wanted a casual hookup with. 

According to the team of scientists from Brown University observing the cuttlefish in Turkey, it’s the first time this sort of behavior has been captured on video in the wild. Justine Allen, an adjunct Instructor in Ecology and Evolutionary Biology at Brown University, told Gizmodo they were surprised at how violent and aggressive the behaviors actually were. “This has been observed in the laboratory before, but never in the wild," she said. "And when it has been observed in the laboratory, the fighting usually doesn’t get this aggressive...so for there to be so much ink and fighting was really one of the most surprising parts.” 

She also explained, “Cephalopods are really squishy and vulnerable and tend to avoid physical fighting, because if they get scarred on their bodies, they have a hard time performing camouflage or signaling to each other." 

Squishy and vulnerable in the sheets, violent and aggressive in the streets. Looks like nice guys finish first in the ways of cuttlefish love.

[H/T: Gizmodo]